Did you miss me, were you haunted by my ghost?
An exploration of poetry, long exposure & self-portraiture.
Ghost
Did you miss me, were you haunted by my ghost?
Because I miss her too, I've been a shadow at most.
Been lurking in the dark, roaming a barely starlit night.
Stuck with an endless debate whether to disappear
or become one with the light.
— Jenny Tâm Thai, 2024
Here’s a funny fact about myself - I used to want to become a fashion photographer. I was still in High School when I fell in love with the world of imagery and visual storytelling.
But the issue was that none of my friends were comfortable enough pose in front of the camera for me.
Then, one thing led to another and I found myself being the one to model while one of my friends was behind the camera (s/o to my OG photographer Evi). The rest is history.
Who holds Power?
However, there was a window of about eight weeks not too long ago when I was considering to quit modelling.
It was the rupture of a friendship with a photographer that made me reconsider the role of a model and the very limited amount of power that is attached to it, along with questioning the purpose behind making imagery in the first place.
Because I got to find out that no matter your contribution as a model or even as a stylist or makeup artist, it is always the person operating the camera that holds all the power.
The person that controls and tweaks and selects and edits and gets to bring their vision to life. The one that carries more responsibility but also gets to enjoy more (creative) freedom.
Note here that I’m making a distinction between a commercial shoot that is paid by a brand and follows a specific brief (we can call that business) and a personal project that is unpaid for all parties and done for portfolio purposes or plainly out of joy (closer to art making).
Just some pretty imagery?
As someone who is (some might say ‘cursed to’) constantly seeking a deeper meaning behind things and who is in love with storytelling, solely creating pretty imagery suddenly felt really dull.
Don’t get me wrong, I certainly believe that there is a place for that and I am definitely able to appreciate it - however, it just didn’t resonate with me anymore to be part of someone else’s project that wouldn’t have a deeper meaning.
And so, I announced to my friends that I would stop modelling and, in turn, deactivated my Instagram account (read about my experience here). It felt freeing because in a way, modelling and the pressure of maintaining a social media presence was the main reason that kept me on Instagram in the first place.
But then, two things happened: a) I actually started missing creating artful imagery and b) I visited the Paolo Roversi exhibition at the Palais Galliera in Paris.
A Spark of Inspiration
When I visited the exhibition, there was a true spark of inspiration that hit me. What was depicted here wasn’t sharp and picture-perfect imagery that was meticulously planned out and edited - this felt experimental and raw and serendipitous. Ghostlike.
Later that day, I went home feeling excited about the idea of playing around with self-portraiture and long exposure.
And sure enough, a week later I found a moment to set up my trusty Canon on a tripod and I started experimenting with my camera settings.
A Healing Practice
Let me tell you, no creative project that I have done has ever felt as healing or empowering or satisfying as these portraits have.
Doing these self-portraits helped me to reclaim my power. It helped me reframe my identity. And it prove to me that I can create my own imagery in my very own way.
The most meaningful compliment that I received was a friend telling me that she felt these portraits truly captured and showed me (ily, Marley). And I loved how that corresponded with one of the quotes I read on the wall of the expo by the master himself:
“A long exposure time gives the soul time to appear. And leaves space for time to intervene.”
Modelling in the past was most often about taking on a certain role, similar to what an actor does. This shoot, on the contrary, felt like an authentic and true reflection of myself.
But of course, things didn’t stop here. After all, ideas beget ideas. And so, inspired by the imagery I created and the situation I found myself in, I began writing the poem that you read at the beginning of this.
Did you miss me, were you haunted by my ghost?
Because I miss her too, I've been a shadow at most.
Been lurking in the dark, roaming a barely starlit night.
Stuck with an endless debate whether to disappear
or become one with the light.
And no, at least in my case writing poetry does not mean I decidedly sit down to write. It’s more so that ideas and words and thoughts are flowing to me. This poem, just like my self-portraits, equally feels like a true reflection of myself. But to me, it is when both of them are put together that they hold the most meaning.
Some final thoughts
So, will I stop modelling now after all? No. Will I be extra picky about the projects I will be taking on? You bet. (That being said, if you are a creative in Paris and would like to collab with me in any shape or form, feel free to reach out and we’ll discuss if our visions match up!)
That being said, I’m grateful that everything that has happened led me not only back to reclaiming my spot as a writer but also to explore my ability to create imagery according to my vision with the deeper underlying meaning that I’ve been seeking.
If you’ve read this far - thanks for gifting me your precious time reading these words. If you feel inspired and feel like diving deeper into your the meaning behind your creative practice, I’m including some journaling prompts for you as usual.
Below, you can read up on some extra info regarding my yoga + creativity workshop if you’re interested!
Journaling Prompts
What is another art form or medium I might be interesting in trialling?
What place could I visit to find new inspiration?
Can I use any of my previously created art as inspiration for a new project?
Re:Start Workshop in Paris
I don’t know about you, but September has always felt like a more potent new start to me than January ever has. Maybe it’s because of la rentrée, the back-to-school season. Maybe it’s because it happens to be Virgo season (take that with a grain of salt). Or maybe it’s because you can feel the end of summer and the change of season looming over you.
But if you’re anything like me, you find it challenging to get back into a routine after the summer. Maybe you crave some healthy balance again after giving yourself and your body a break and prioritising other forms of self-care. Maybe you find your mind lacks clarity over what exactly you want to achieve, what needs to be done, and how to get there!
So in order to help you (and me!) find your groove again and get back on track, I’ve been working on a very special offering - my very first in-person workshop!
During this 2-hour yoga + creativity workshop, we will be reconnecting not only with our body and breath but also with our intentions and (creative) goals for the upcoming weeks and months. Re:starting on the right foot!
If it’s been a little while since you’ve last moved your body - don’t fret. We will be keeping it gentle and take it back to the basics. Even if you’ve never done yoga before you’re welcome to come join this workshop!
All the Info at one glance
When? Sunday, 8th of September 2024, 14-16h
Where? The Space, Nation, Paris 12e
How much? Early Bird (sign up before the 18th of August): 35€; Regular price: 40€; Book two spots for you and a friend: 70€
What can you expect? A mindful and inspiring afternoon! There will be a vinyasa yoga flow, a guided meditation, chanting, pranayama, journaling exercises, and goal-setting in a safe and inclusive environment. My intention is for you to leave this workshop feeling refreshed and clear about what steps you want to take next.
For whom is this workshop? For beginner and experienced yogis alike who want to get back on track with their (creative) goals and practice. You do not need to have creative ambitions or consider yourself a creative to join and benefit from this workshop!
How can you sign up? Follow this link to sign up. Shortly after, you will receive an email with payment information.
How many spots are available? To keep this intimate and cosy, spots will be limited to 8!
Stay creative,
J x
Beautiful poem, beautiful photos, beautiful reflections 🙏🏻