I've been keeping a secret from you
My current creative project (it's a big one) + a vlog of a week in my life
About six months ago, it was getting colder and darker outside by the day, I made myself a cup of coffee and sat down at my desk with my laptop, staring at a fresh blank page. It didn’t stay blank for long, however.
Black on white, I started filling it with poetry and prose, looking for sparks of truth in the dense and dark fog I found myself in after a previous experience that had significantly shaken up the life I had built for myself in Paris.
A life that I had loved, that I had poured so much of myself into.
But I learned the hard way that no amount of empathy, kindness or good communication (or beauty, for that matter..) can save you from other people’s agendas and past wounds.
So, I was left with remnants of what once was and what could’ve been.
But I tended to them. And I tried to give each recoverable piece of mine a new home while gracefully saying goodbye to all the pieces that were too broken to ever be recognisable again.
Over the course of some weeks, that blank page turned into 111 pages, filled with a total of 38473 words. I thought I was working on something between a memoir and an autobiographical novel.
There was an outline, chapter titles, and even entire playlists I put together. I had probably written two-thirds of what there was to write.
I was supposed to be done within the next weeks.
But then I reached a point that required some research. And from that research emerged new ideas. In turn, my newfound inspiration washed over me as I reviewed what I had previously worked on.
And even though I was close enough to finish what I had worked on in the first place, I opened a new blank page and made space for something new.
That’s when words came pouring out of me. Depicting something bigger than I could ever imagine creating. It’s quite the magical experience to be able to build worlds that don’t exist (or do they?).
I sincerely can’t wait for you to meet my protagonist and all these characters who are becoming more precious to me by the day. I hope you’ll like some of them, despise others, root for them whenever appropriate, and feel for them. Especially the latter.
At the time of writing this, I’m at 46k words.
It’s been quite the journey so far. An exciting one but also an equally frustrating one at times.
But there is a comfort that words have always given me. As I’m slowly unearthing the story I’m apparently supposed to tell, and getting to know my characters better, I start to understand myself and the world a little more.
So far, I’ve learned that writing requires a healthy amount of empathy, intention, patience, trust and time. The (not so secret) ingredients of every healthy relationship if you ask me. Yet it’s a relationship I’m fully committed to.
It was only a few weeks ago, now each day finally getting increasingly brighter and warmer as opposed to darker and colder, that I woke up and got hit by the realisation of ‘holy shit, I’m living my dream of being a writer in Paris.’
No, it’s not happening under the circumstances I would’ve imagined it to be.
No, I’m not feeling the way I thought I would.
But you know what? I still take it.
I’m a writer in Paris during Springtime (my favourite season for being in Paris) and I’m currently working on my first novel.
And because this isn’t gonna last forever (cause as we all know, nothing does), I thought it’d be fun to document it. So here’s a vlog I made if you’re interested in keeping up with me on my little writer journey.
And before I forget (I genuinely almost did), I will be looking for beta readers! I won’t be sharing too much about the novel itself just yet (please be patient with me) but if you’re intrigued, I made a short and sweet intake form where you can let me know that you’re interested. (No strings attached here if you register)
As a beta reader, I will need you to put your critic’s cap on and help me make my manuscript the strongest it can be. Currently, I do have the intention of trying to get this published. You can register here:
But that is a future milestone. For now, I am simply enjoying the journey I am currently on, working on my first novel.
Wherever you are, I hope Spring is in the air and you’re planting the seeds you’d later like to sow.
Stay cozy + creative,
Jenny