Some autumnal reflections.. juste pour le plaisir
A writer's unpopular opinion: French grammar can be kinda fun
The leaves outside my building, they turn crunchy and not gold
Autumn time in Paris is not as pretty as I was told
Trying to find some stillness just to slow down all my thoughts
Amidst all of that madness, can’t seem to keep up with my doubts
[…]
You told me that it always looks like autumn at my place
For days I've tried to picture what my future life contains
My insides reflect my cover, it fits the shelf where it lays
An open book, a pretty hook, which pages will remain?
(First & Second Verse of a song titled Autumn Leaves)
— Jenny Tâm Thai, 2023
Happy October! I doubt that anyone has been impatiently waiting for my writing. I, on the other hand, have been impatiently waiting for a moment to write freely again.
How are you doing, my friends? Since the last Substack post (aka newsletter if this has landed in your inbox) a month ago, a number of things have happened, including:
I’ve hosted my first yoga + creativity workshop in Paris! Which was a lot of fun and I cannot wait to host future editions! (Big thanks to everyone who showed up!)
I’m finally taking ballet classes again! (It’s my little highlight of the week :))
I’ve had to say au revoir to one of my favourite people in Paris (Expat problems.. Miss you, Marley!)
I went to a Bouillon for the first time (A somewhat iconic and cheap brasserie chain that always asks you to queue up. Pretty appropriately rated though.)
Spotify has finally released the daylist in France! (Apparently, I’ve been listening to a fair amount of Khruangbin, Arc de Soleil and Ethiopian Jazz?)
I’ve read Orwell’s Animal Farm (Pigs & Humans!!! Humans & Pigs!!! One more off my Dystopian reading list)
And.. I’ve started French Classes! (Ça se passe pas si terrible, en fait..)
”But Jenny, you already speak French”. Well, yes. Kind of. I speak it well enough to get by easily and my accent is good enough for French strangers to do a double take and ask my friends if I was born in France. Bref, enough to be an expat in Paris (and enough to carry an entire conversation during a date I had in the South..iykyk).
Alas, not enough for certain institutions and companies :-) So, my mission for this Autumn is to prepare myself for the DALF C1 exam. For anyone who isn’t familiar with the CEFR (Common European Framework of Reference for Languages), the C1 level is considered to be an advanced level that demonstrates proficiency and fluency. The exam itself consists of four parts, namely writing and speaking on the production side of things, and listening and reading on the comprehension side of things.
Funnily enough (and totally unnecessary), I’ve actually taken the DELF A1 exam after my first year of French in school, back in 2011. I don’t recommend doing so but somehow my French teacher was incredibly convincing that that would be une très bonne idée. (Seriously, don’t do it. Save your money and nerves and don’t do it before the B1/B2 level unless you have a good reason to).
I was contemplating whether to prepare on my own or whether to enrol in a preparatory course. In the end, I opted for the latter, not just for accountability purposes but mainly to receive feedback on my work. Because if you’ve ever taken any of these exams, you will know that purely being able to communicate in that language is not merely enough to pass - you need to understand the specific methodology and do everything according to their requirements.
At this point in time, I've made it halfway through the course and it’s honestly not going too bad (my feedback sheet generally states that my niveau de langue est excellent - which I'll gladly accept as a beacon of hope).
Struggles, struggles
The hardest part about this exam?
I know most people would guess it’s maybe the grammar or the vocabulary. For me, however, it’s adhering to the word count. My nemesis since the old days *sigh*. Even my French teacher called me out on this one (in my defence, he specified a *minimum* of 250 words. Which I totally respected. He just wasn’t happy I wrote double the amount..)
I mean, listen. I’m a writer. Words are my friends. I like to play around with them. I like to make things sound nice instead of blatantly stating them. I love to inject a little poetic undertone from time to time, whenever appropriate. But I guess this is the reason why the words you’re reading right now exist. I need an exutoire, an outlet for the writer in me. Because the 250 words (+10 %) that I get for my synthèses and essais argumentatifs are just not doing it for me.
My French teacher also shared that the examinators get paid by the copy. Which means that if they are forced to spend more time on correcting an exam due to additional words, they might be unhappy and extra strict..which we really don’t need. So I’ve got enough reasons to restrain myself from going overboard.
A little bit of French Grammar
Meanwhile, however, something really interesting has happened. Now, that I’m on a more advanced level of French I found that I am able to dive a little deeper into various topics, including the generally dreaded French Grammar.
I found the key to French Grammar is to be aware that there are more exceptions than rules and that you just have to accept that.
There is no absolutely no point in questioning the logic or debating with your French teacher (and don’t even try to debate with a Native speaker, I can guarantee 90% of the time they won’t even know what you are on about…).
You might be laughing at me here but the thing that has helped me the most with coming to terms with this is probably my meditation practice. It is after all the act of being still, observing with no judgement, and just letting it go. Which is exactly how you should approach French grammar if you want to stay sane.
For any fellow French learners who are struggling with le subjonctif - I swear to you, there’s hope. I’m living proof. It has become something I happily and correctly (!) utilise in my writing and speaking all the time now.
(For anyone not identifying as a French learner, the subjonctif is not a tense but rather a virtual mood that expresses a certain possible reality or a strong subjective opinion on a specific reality.)
And believe it or not, being able to dive deeper and make sense of French grammar actually turns it into something incredibly fun! Because as a writer, truly understanding the grammar of a language and being able to utilise it is like having a shiny new toy to play with. And every time I tackle another topic, I get to utilise it in my next piece of writing.
And that, in turn, also grants me the opportunity to appreciate any writing I get to read on a new level. It really is the equivalent to knowing any type of theory behind things, such as music theory or design theory.
All those nuances and intricacies that suddenly shine through are rather beautiful. As a layperson, you might just find something really appealing but as an insider you know why and how it works. Not only does that invite you to appreciate someone’s creative expression with more depth and fondness, but also may inspire your own creations in new ways.
L’Amant
My lovely friend Theressa (meeting her is the only reason I will say attending an in-person French class can be worth it even if the quality of the class is not up to par - but that’s a story for another time) shares an appreciation for literature, and so the two of us have started our own little French book club. We’ve been reading Marguerite Duras’ L’Amant (you might know it in English as The Lover), her autobiographical novel that was published back in 1984.
While the story itself may raise some ethical questions (it’s the retelling of a romance between a young French girl and an older, wealthy Chinese man), from a writer’s perspective I can just feel how challenging, yet freeing and therapeutic it must have felt for her to put these words down to paper.
I have to admit, besides my dystopian novels, I have such a fondness for autobiographical novels. To me, they offer a beautiful insight into someone’s thoughts, learnings and experiences that you wouldn’t receive in any other way. An authentic retelling of human experience.
Though, of course, I always like to argue that in most cases, anything you stumble on has something autobiographical. It’s just some authors prefer to hide that element a little more than others. I could write an entire post about the book itself but I shall end it here (and get back to my French practice) with a quote from her book:
Je lui ai répondu que ce que je voulais avant toute autre chose c'était écrire, rien d'autre que ça, rien.
I told her that what I wanted above all else was to write, nothing else, nothing.
Journaling Prompts
With autumn being such a transformative time, what is something that you would like to dedicate some time to this season?
Do you feel curious to dive a little deeper into something you already have some basic knowledge in?
Self-check in: Have you been making space for your creative outlet of choice?
Stay creative,
J x